when Perseverance tastes Defeat

Its true that desires never end,

But I see mine dying everyday.

They are beseeched yet smothered,

Crushed under their feet night and day.

The urge.. the wishes.. the demands.. the Superstitious,

The poor, the rich, the healthy will fall sick one day.

I hope, I pray.. I have to make it all better by myself,

I don’t quite believe in God anyway.

I can’t deny I feel the fury,

My patience is tested and I’m forced to look away.

The hurt, the pain, sufferings are all I hear and absorb,

Its annoying, its frustrating, its stupid but all real in its own weird way.

I must put an end to this never terminating misery..

But alas, it seems as the essence of life around.

I wonder how living was so different in the European world I once belonged to,

I miss the coldness, the grey and the green,

Yet it’s hard to say if it’s the place or the lone feeling for which I grieve.

  

Direction’d and focused,

Determined and zealous,

Practical and truthful to myself, I have always been.

But there is something missing.. its intricate yet soulful.

Its not there and it’s absence devastating,

I feel uncanny.. estranged from my soul within.

There’s a sense of fear.. this perplexed situation,

Maddening and tangling my conscience,

Into a messy coiled knot of thoughts and suffocated breaths.

I am tired. My body perspiring the beads of exhaustion,

My heart finding it hard to filter out the negativity floating in my blood,

My arteries choked with the greasy trash nourished in the grey cells of my brain,

My eyes blinded by the utter hopelessness they envision at bay..

They say they care, they say they understand,

When all they do is turn their face away.

From truth so lucid, from feelings so profound,

As they blow the dust of ashes that burnt within my morbid self.

It’s strange but no love and no care,

Can possibly take the place of listening to one’s heart out..

No praise, no worthiness can bring solace to a troubled mind.

I am drained of being a part of this inhumane circus,

Where people are so selfish,

Deafened by the sounds of accomplishments they claim,

And intoxicated by the scent of fame!

At times when I see time running down,

Pouring away and going to waste,

I wish to hold out my hands,

To grab it and keep it in my safe..

But then reality comes screaming behind,

Pushing me into the deep well of vain..

Did I miss out, slipping the grip of the hands of fate?

Or did I just give it my all, and accepted the clocks ticking time away?

Its futile to think about things they all say..

But can u hear me, feel the blood gushing in my veins?

As it thumps and jerks in my system of shame,

As helplessness gazes at the joyous hope enjoying its sway..